A few months ago I bought a large supply of IKEA furniture that I was sure would enhance the quality of our stay-at-home life. In other words, I bought a few dressers, five shoe racks, seven bookcases and some (many) other odds and ends that I didn’t think I needed until I saw them.
Sadly, three months later I still have two bookcases left to assemble, even though the cinnamon rolls I also bought in large quantities are long, long gone.
So now, at our house, any sentence that contains the word ‘IKEA’ is absolutely forbidden.
These past few months a host of other phrases have joined those ranks. Dinner conversation is becoming difficult because there are sentences no one is allowed to use and would probably come to a complete stall were it not for all the discussion concerning the last few IKEA boxes blocking easy access to the bathroom. Would you like to talk about politics, sex or religion? Those subjects are welcome. Just don’t say “coronavirus” or any derivation of such or you will be unwelcomed before the last syllable falls out of your mouth.
Here are my family’s Top 10 Prohibited Pandemic Phrases:
10. “You went all the way to Costco and only bought one bag of chips?
9. “We haven’t baked cookies together in DAYS.”
8. “I need new sweatpants.”
7. “There are so many good shows to watch on tv that we don’t need to add all those premium cable channels.”
6. “I tried a new recipe!”
5. “What do you mean you’re exhausted from staying home and taking care of the kids all day? Try working. Then try working at home.”
4. “You’re too reliant on the internet. Life is less stressful when you don’t use any electronics at all.”
3. “Don’t forget to look for any toilet paper/Lysol wipes/bleach/hand sanitizer when you go to the store.”
2. “Working from home is easy; you can get a good day’s work done and have plenty of time to relax before dinner.”
1. “Maybe we should think about doing a Staycation next year.”